Can’t. A word I have learned to loath. Listen close for it. You will hear it all day, every day, every where you go. Your kids, your spouse, a salesperson in a store, your friends and family, even yourself. I have been wondering lately how many times a day the phrase “I can’t” is used. And sadly, saying I can’t is a self fulfilling prophecy. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” One of my boys. “I can’t hit my 3 pointers anymore.” My daughter “I can’t memorize all of those lines for the play.” Adults, I can’t read there’s no time, I can’t workout, I can’t get up earlier, I can’t cook, I can’t go to bed on time, I can’t write, I can’t sell, I can’t fix my marriage, I can’t deal with my boss, I can’t (insert anything) I have no time, I can’t find a good man/woman, the list goes on and on and on.
I am not innocent. I used to live in the world of “can’t.” As a matter of fact I stayed in a job that adversely affected all areas of my life because I believed I ‘can’t” leave, “I can’t” get another job making the same money, with the same flexibility, that I can literally do in my sleep. I now shudder at the idea of how “comfortable and complacent” I was all because the deep rooted fear of making a change that I masked as “I can’t.” So instead I said “I can’t” over and over and over again and I stayed. Miserable, unhappy and letting that job control my life, control my entire mindset. So much so that I never “left” so the Universe took my thoughts and my words and took the job away FOR ME so I would be forced to make a change for the better! Same with my marriage. Everything was “we can’t.” I didn’t realize it at the time of course, because truth is NONE of us realize the negative place where we often reside, and its almost always unintentional! When we aren’t consciously aware of the negative, that there is a “problem” we don’t work to fix it. We don’t work to make a change. We often have zero self awareness that change is needed. We put our heads down, do what we “have” to do and trudge along like good little soldiers do.
Now, a little under 3 years later, I sit in this brand new year, grateful to the Universe for stepping in. What I know now is I helped to create this new plan, this new path, this path of look at all I CAN do. That I CAN be more, do more, have more! Throughout my life I told myself all of these things and then some….. I can’t speak in front of a crowd, I can’t sell, I can’t dance, I can’t draw, I can’t bake, I can’t run fast, I can’t shoot (sounds like my son right now,) I can”t be open and vulnerable, I can’t lose weight, I can’t be a stay at home mom. One of the biggest beauties of the last almost 3 years is how much I have LEARNED. Some is listening to some amazing women speak and teach. Some is reading. Some is therapy. Yes, I FULLY believe in therapy, everyone should try it. When I slip up and say “I can’t” I catch myself, stop myself and redirect both my thinking and my words. Learning to believe that I CAN do anything I choose to do, even though it’s not easy, has been such a blessing I NEVER saw coming. Easy gets you nowhere and nowhere fast. I promise you, take that to heart.
No, I haven’t mastered all of the things I said I ‘can’t’ do. And the best part is, I don’t have to master them! No one does. Perfect is overrated. The minute I gave up on perfect, is the minute I began down the path of happy. Believing in yourself? Believing you CAN? And trying? Getting out of comfort and complacency? Thats where the power is. That’s where the real growth comes from. Will I fail again? Sure will. Will you? Absolutely. You cannot fully succeed if you do not ever fail. It’s time to TRY. To believe in yourself. My passion is to help those that live in a world of “can’t do.” I am surrounded by “can’t” daily. I hope you find that the learnings on the other side of “can’t” is so much more rewarding. I am grateful looking back. I am thankful for the hard lessons. I no longer beat myself up and say what was I thinking! I am now grateful for that lifestyle as I know it was needed for me to evolve and grow to today and beyond and my hope is that you can too.
Happy New Year, here’s to an Amazing 2019!